Dairy of a Madman

Today’s reading is from the Book of St. Raustus - chapter 10, verses 1 through 8:

1. Yea, and the Lord God said unto His followers:
2. “Want not ye for change, nor excitement, nor tales of action and intrigue featuring cameo appearances by Matt Damon.”
3. And the people looked to Him, and knew it was Good.
4. And the Lord spake again, this time with Thund’rous Might:
5. “Love thy fellow man; treat him with the same Kindness and Respect that you would show any of My children.
6. “Love also thine enemy, for the lessons you learn from him are Good and True. Without the enemy, there is no plot, and a life without plot leads to Art Films.”
7. And a whisper spread through the crowd, as they nodded as one in agreement.
8. “But move silently, like the Ninja. Garb yourself in robes of fleece, for they clothe you in silence and warmth.”

In today’s trying, ever-changing times, we might find it difficult to find our way through the world. It’s hard to keep a smile on your lips in the face of terrorism, in the face of liberals pushing their “facts” and “knowledge” at your from every direction, in the face of the presumably legal young amateur model looking up at you from the trunk of the stolen car, a tiny glistening tear in her eye. But carry these words of Faith with you, and your days can be filled with the Love and Grace and sanctity of the universe.

Amen.

A special note to all new members: fried chicken and Martha Parson’s famous macaroni and cheese will be served ’round back of the barn immediately following today’s final hymn, “How Great Thou Art (In Bed)”.

…. oh, stop. We’re just kiddin’. FRIENDS, right? Ross, Chandler? Jennifer Aniston? Yeah, that show got some laughs ’round the confessional here, indeedy.