New Orleans Prisoners Abandoned to Floodwaters: "'It was complete chaos,' said a corrections officer with more than 30 years of service at Orleans Parish Prison. When asked what he thought happened to the inmates in Templeman III, he shook his head and said: 'Ain't no tellin' what happened to those people.'

'At best, the inmates were left to fend for themselves,' said Carey. 'At worst, some may have died.'

...

Many of the men held at jail had been arrested for offenses like criminal trespass, public drunkenness or disorderly conduct. Many had not even been brought before a judge and charged, much less been convicted. "

Methods Other Than Song by Which One Can Be Killed Softly:

BY JONATHAN HOLLEY AND EMILY LAWTON

- - - -

Chinchilla attack

Asphyxiation by cupcake

Egyptian tomb booby-trapped with goose down

Smothering by fatties

Poison meringue

Allergic reaction to cashmere

Stuffed animal avalanche

Heart attack induced by 16-year-old girl's skin"

"Warrick, you know the thing that makes a fantasy great is the chance that it might come true. And when you lose that fantasy, it just kind of sucks."

Katherine Willows, CSI, 22 Sept 2005

...if by fun, you mean not really.

Watching a couple get mugged 20 yards away from you is never cool. Fortunately, I think I was able to give the cops a pretty good description of two of the guys and the car. Yay, finally finding a use for the criminal psychology degree and training...

And it was the poor guy's first date with the girl. But he handled it well. She better give him another chance at a first date... Though that's definitely something to tell the kids one day...

RPS - 15: "DEVIL HURLS ROCK, BREATHS FIRE, IMMUNE TO SCISSORS & GUN, CASTS LIGHTNING, EATS SNAKES, POSSESSES HUMAN."

This is totally insane. And I must learn it, and spread the complicated joys.

Yep, I'm the proud owner of the as-yet-unnamed (after 7 years, at that) Sidewalk Film Festival trophies. And that bitch is HEAVY, I'll add.

Muckfuppet is a 12 page short about a brief lunch break and confessions of the heart. Totally predictable and transparent. No darkness involved. No twists or turns in the last moments. Nothing supernatural or in the least bit spooky, no insanity. Just a little bit of romance, a little quippy dialogue.

Yeah, I'm surprised, too. But incredibly honored and happy. Edging daily towards pretentious and arrogant.

Thanks to Chance, Mia and Melissa for reading it and offering advice beforehand; Eric and Catherine and Mary Catherine and everyone else responsible for carrying on Sidewalk over the years for the encouragement; Daniel Wallace and John August for judging and offering script notes; and to Neely, especially, without whom there would be no script, no clever and catchy title, and no award.

Working on raising money for the film now (thank god it's a short; the plan is to shoot on 16mm instead of DV, and the budget shouldn't run any higher than $1000 -- less if we can get Kodak to sponsor us and provide the stock). Melissa Bush and Scott Ross have agreed to join the cast, Stacey Shirley has accepted my invitation to produce, and Chance Shirley (Hide and Creep) is onboard as Director of Photography. I'm hoping to get Adam Wingard of Team Bloodjet! to edit, Michael Praytor to do cinematography, and a few other local folks to fill in the remaining crew spots... There's no reason why this shouldn't turn out to be an amazing short.

Outside of the win -- I hear I looked composed during my thank-you speech, but I don't remember any of it except for feeling like I would collapse. Yay nerves and adrenaline! -- the weekend was great. There were a few technical glitches (none in my areas of responsibility, thank god), but I heard that everyone was by-and-large very happy with the end result. Some great films -- if you have the chance to see Gorman Bechard's You Are Alone or a feature called Swimmers, make sure that you do. The Exhibit(s) played twice -- once a VERY laid back set at Restaurant G (the Sidewalk Music Cafe) which got a lot of surprising compliments, and once at the Saturday night Film For The People party; I was too tired at that point to notice what the crowd reaction was. But it was a great room, free beer, and we blew up a monitor, which means it must have been somewhat okay.

I should have taken the entire week off, honestly. I need about three more days to rest and catch up with my life.

C'est ca.

The Observer | International | Armed and dangerous - Flipper the firing dolphin let loose by Katrina:

Armed dolphins, trained by the US military to shoot terrorists and pinpoint spies underwater, may be missing in the Gulf of Mexico.

Experts who have studied the US navy's cetacean training exercises claim the 36 mammals could be carrying 'toxic dart' guns. Divers and surfers risk attack, they claim, from a species considered to be among the planet's smartest. The US navy admits it has been training dolphins for military purposes, but has refused to confirm that any are missing.

Dolphins have been trained in attack-and-kill missions since the Cold War. The US Atlantic bottlenose dolphins have apparently been taught to shoot terrorists attacking military vessels. Their coastal compound was breached during the storm, sweeping them out to sea. But those who have studied the controversial use of dolphins in the US defence programme claim it is vital they are caught quickly."

FEMA plans to reimburse faith groups for aid - washingtonpost.com Highlights - MSNBC.com:

'I believe it's appropriate for the federal government to assist the faith community because of the scale and scope of the effort and how long it's lasting,' he said.

Lynn disagreed. 'The good news is that this work is being done now, but I don't think a lot of people realize that a lot of these organizations are actively working to obtain federal funds. That's a strange definition of charity,' he said.

... FEMA officials said religious organizations would be eligible for payments only if they operated emergency shelters, food distribution centers or medical facilities at the request of state or local governments in the three states that have declared emergencies -- Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama. In those cases, 'a wide range of costs would be available for reimbursement, including labor costs incurred in excess of normal operations, rent for the facility and delivery of essential needs like food and water,' FEMA spokesman Eugene Kinerney said in an e-mail.

That whole checks and balances thing that I recall hearing about in high school seems to be a thing of the past, eh?

Well, maybe this will make God happy. So happy even that He'll feel a little guilty about wiping out New Orleans and the rest of the Gulf Coast over the past two years.

Unless this was His plan all along...

Ex-FEMA chief slams 'dysfunctional' Louisiana - MSNBC.com:

"Former FEMA director Michael Brown aggressively defended his role in responding to Hurricane Katrina on Tuesday and put much of the blame for coordination failures on Louisiana Gov. Kathleen Blanco and New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin.

“My biggest mistake was not recognizing by Saturday that Louisiana was dysfunctional,” Brown told a special congressional panel set up by House Republican leaders to investigate the catastrophe."

... “I’ve overseen over 150 presidentially declared disasters. I know what I’m doing, and I think I do a pretty darn good job of it,” Brown said.

What. An. Asshole.

I wonder if Brown is one of those guys who has absolutely no friends in the world, whose wife only puts up with him for the money?

He's either an asshole with no sense of reality, or he has a pair of brass balls so big that Alec Baldwin has to salute every time his name is mentioned.

Or was that "wild"? Can never remember.

Sidewalk's here again, and if you're not coming, you suck. Period. Don't even bother arguing with me.

The rest of the world -- well, it's gone crazy. The Post-Herald, my one-time employer, published its final edition today. Which makes five places that I've spent significant time at that have shut their doors forever. And counting.

Guess UAB will probably not make that list in my lifetime...

Busy. Getting ready to play at the festival (Restaurant G, 1 PM Saturday, and then again at the big Sidewalk Bash on Saturday night), work (projectionist at the Alabama Theater this year), and maybe even catch a movie or two. Way behind on my freelance work, which sucks a lot...

October will now be know as catch-up month. As well as the month that temperatures finally become bearable again.

Back to the crush, I guess...

If you want something kept secret, don't tell anyone. Make no mention of it to a single soul -- not your mother, your wife, your best friend. Don't write it down, type it out, post it to the Internet.

Keeping things private starts at home.

If you do something or say something, accept the consequences.

I saw a disclaimer on a blog recently saying something -- and I'm misquoting like no one's business here -- along the lines of, "This is my blog, it's not for your eyes, so if I say something about you that offends you, you're not allowed to get pissed off about it."

WHAT?

Of course I am! And if I get pissed off at you, to your face, you'd best be prepared to suck it up and take it. If you don't want me getting pissed off about something you said -- don't fucking say it. It's about that simple.

This entire society seems more and more these days about absolving themselves of blame, of placing resposibility elsewhere, of being untarnished and perfect.

Fuck that.

It starts on a personal level -- blaming the dissolution of friendships and romances and work conditions on anyone other than yourself. You point the finger elsewhere, hoping you can remain looking good. You convince yourself that you can't possibly be wrong, reinforcing negative behavior. Mistakes are repeated, again and again -- but it's always someone else's fault, no matter how many times it happens and involves you.

Oh, and then it grows, until it's corporations and governments and gigantic entities pointing the finger.

Katrina, FEMA, Nagin, Blanco, Bush, anyone?

Accountability is not a dirty word, but it must have too many syllables for the common man.

And so when people let their secrets out in the open, it immediately becomes someone else's fault. But just think: if you had kept your mouth shut in the first place, no one else would know.

And then there's the idea of living and speaking to never have any regrets. I have very few skeletons in my closet, and I like it that way. I'm happy with this blog, no fears of anyone finding it, because there's nothing on here to hide. Sure, there's plenty of stuff that no one knows about - but only because they didn't happen to hear it. Certainly not because I didn't want them to.

Things I want kept hidden stay hidden. Bodies and all.

Preparing for the world's first face transplants - MSNBC.com: "It is this: to give people horribly disfigured by burns, accidents or other tragedies a chance at a new life. Today’s best treatments still leave many of them with freakish, scar-tissue masks that don’t look or move like natural skin.

These people already have lost the sense of identity that is linked to the face; the transplant is merely “taking a skin envelope” and slipping their identity inside, Siemionow contends.

Her supporters note her experience, careful planning, the team of experts assembled to help her, and the practice she has done on animals and dozens of cadavers to perfect the technique.

But her critics say the operation is way too risky for something that is not a matter of life or death, as organ transplants are. They paint the frighteningly surreal image of a worst-case scenario: a transplanted face being rejected and sloughing away, leaving the patient worse off than before."

Wedding bells in the Houston Astrodome: "Rebecca Warren and Joseph Smothers planned to marry in New Orleans on Sept. 9. Those plans fell apart in the wake of hurricane Katrina. Warren and Smothers were separated by the storm, reunited in Houston, and determined not to be apart again. "

Their cousin called monotreme: "Basically what I'm trying to say is HOLY CRAP MONOTREMES ARE WEIRD WHY DO THEY EVEN EXIST?"

Planned Parenthood Southeastern Pennsylvania: "Here's how it works: You decide on the amount you would like to pledge for each protester (minimum 10 cents). When protesters show up on our sidewalks, Planned Parenthood Southeastern Pennsylvania will count and record their number each day from October 1 through November 30, 2005. We will place a signoutside the health center that tracks pledges and makes protesters fully aware that their actions are benefiting PPSP. At the end of the two-month campaign, we will send you an update on protest activities and a pledge reminder."

Excellent. And how will the anti-abortion crowd feel about supporting the pro-choice movement?

The correct answer, of course, is that it doesn't matter what they think.

the Wit (66% dark, 30% spontaneous, 21% vulgar)

your humor style: CLEAN | COMPLEX | DARK You like things edgy, subtle, and smart. I guess that means you're probably an intellectual, but don't take that to mean pretentious. You realize 'dumb' can be witty--after all isn't that the Simpsons' philosophy?--but rudeness for its own sake, 'gross-out' humor and most other things found in a fraternity leave you totally flat. I guess you just have a more cerebral approach than most. You have the perfect mindset for a joke writer or staff writer. Your sense of humor takes the most thought to appreciate, but it's also the best, in my opinion. You probably loved the Office. If you don't know what I'm talking about, check it out here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/theoffice/. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Jon Stewart - Woody Allen - Ricky Gervais The 3-Variable Funny Test! - it rules - If you're interested, try my latest: The Terrorism Test

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 85% on darkness You scored higher than 10% on spontaneity You scored higher than 9% on vulgarity

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid

Tongue-eating bug found in fish: "The bug - which has the scientific name cymothoa exigua - was discovered inside the mouth of a red snapper bought from a London fishmonger.

The 3.5cm creature had grabbed onto the fish's tongue and slowly ate away at it until only a stub was left.

It then latched onto the stub and became the fish's 'replacement tongue'."

Shakespeare: An A-Z: "Indeed, Shakespeare’s attitude to love seems to have been ambivalent at best. While it’s common to picture him as a crystal-eyed romantic with a soft smile and a quill, it would be more accurate to imagine him as a man who might write you some beautiful wedding vows, then burst out of the cake with an axe."

onegoodmove: Meet The Fuckers: "I'm not as delicate as Jon. More on Katrina and more demands for accountability. It's like Jon said, if you don't like the blame game it is usually because you're to blame."

Michael Brown needs to be forced to help clean up New Orleans. Starting with body removal, and ending with a person-to-person visit with every person in the Astrodome.

FEMA. Bah.

Bush. Bah.

I hope I'm wrong about Heaven and the existence of God, for one reason: these despicable human beings, these wastes of skin and clean air, need to be forced to some level of accountablility.

Not just Bush and crew, now that I think about it, but most of humanity.

Salt Lake Tribune: "'There are all of these guys with all of this training and we're sending them out to hand out a phone number,' an Oregon firefighter said. 'They [the hurricane victims] are screaming for help and this day [of FEMA training] was a waste.'
Firefighters say they want to brave the heat, the debris-littered roads, the poisonous cottonmouth snakes and fire ants and travel into pockets of Louisiana where many people have yet to receive emergency aid.
But as specific orders began arriving to the firefighters in Atlanta, a team of 50 Monday morning quickly was ushered onto a flight headed for Louisiana. The crew's first assignment: to stand beside President Bush as he tours devastated areas. "

Outside of the fact that I'm convinced that there's a price to pay for this somewhere down the line -- strings of some sort attached -- this is great news for the Katrina victims.

$2,000 debit cards for Katrina victims - MSNBC.com: "The federal government plans to begin doling out debit cards worth $2,000 each to adult victims of Hurricane Katrina, The Associated Press has learned."

God Outdoes Terrorists Yet Again

Yeah, it's insensitive and politically incorrect. And a much needed laugh. Don't read it if you can't handle it.

If you're going to bitch incessantly about something, don't bother coming to me and expecting an open ear unless you've bothered trying to do something about it. In fact, tried repeatedly, with every resource in your arsenal.

After that, I'll listen. As long as it doesn't place me squarely in the middle of a tug'o'war. I'm not a fucking rope.

Whee.

Worlds only collide when you insist on slamming them together repeatedly. And yeah, eventually, one of them cracks.

Wow.

My mom just emailed me and reminded me that my kid sister and I experienced two heavy hurricanes as children -- the second of which, Frederic, hurried the birth of my brother James in September of 1979. I don't remember being that traumatized by either; there are memories of being at a neighbor's house while my parents drove from Dothan, where we lived (in the far southeastern corner of Alabama), to the hospital in Enterprise where my mom's doctors were. I remember heavy, heavy rain, winds, storms, and a strange house that wasn't mine.

Do I remember trying to comfort my kid sister? Was she more scared than I was? Not sure (my memories prior to age 14 or so are scattershot and random).

And since then, I've experienced tornadoes close up, blizzards, ice storms, and the distant edges of hurricanes (Birmingham's far enough away that we get, at worst, bad winds and rains -- especially from Katrina, Dennis, and Ivan last year). But nothing like what the people in New Orleans are surviving.

And it saddens me to hear of the death, the injured and the sick, the homeless, the devastation and loss, the environmental catastrophes, the total loss of material possessions that so many are facing. I can feel it, having lived so close to the edge of poverty myself for so long. It hurts, and it sickens me to hear of so many wealthy people offering prayers and not much more.

What I'm finding nearly impossible to cope with, though, is the decline of humanity on display. It's no secret that I have a low view of my fellow man -- I think most people are stupid, lacking in common sense and too needy and selfish for their own good. But I wanted to believe that, in a time of disaster and loss, people would pull together, helping each other survive, perhaps even thrive.

That belief is just misplaced. And it breaks my heart to pieces.

Fuck rebuilding, fuck the repairs and the history and the culture. Just get everyone out of there. If you believe in a god, send your prayers that way. If you have money to spare, send it to the Red Cross. Spare clothes or games or books, donate it.

It could be any of us in the pit with the animals next time.

Then there are those who were injured by the hurricane and its aftermath. I spoke to a man who was beaten up at the Superdome. His jaw was broken and he had a friend with him who had a concussion and was basically unconscious.

The man with the broken jaw said that he had another friend who was beaten to death at the Superdome. He said that they had no choice but to leave his body there.

One woman was just put down on the tarmac and left. She was there on the tarmac and clearly had no idea where she was.

I ran over and grabbed her hand and whispered in her ear, “You are OK. You are with people who will help you.” She reached up and kissed me which made me just shudder inside. She was just so frightened, as are so many of these people who are brought in here. They don’t know where they are and are just confused."

Stop fucking shooting pictures. Put down your cameras and your microphones. Start using your helicopters and vans and all the other resources at your disposal to get people to safety, to dry land, away from the death and the carnage and the anarchy.

I can live without my voyeur-of-utter-destruction for a day, if you can help some of these people live for one more day.