Apr 29
Why is this funny? This is not funny!
DotNetNuke > FAQ ( DNN 2.1.2 ): 2) The ‘Samurai Night Fever’ Line:
DISCLAIMER: This is the shiznit. It flat-out works. Just about the only folks it won’t work for (for reasons that will become obvious momentarily): Men with toupees, comb-overs, dyed/ bleached/ highlighted hair, or non-Dental cosmetic surgery. Men with elevators in their shoes. It WILL work for short bald guys. Like a Goddamned charm. Shave your head and lose the goofy ‘hidden platform’ loafers. Ya don’t need them anymore, My Brother. This is the Ark of the Covenant for consequence-free weekend hook-ups. Indiana Jones took it from the Nazis during the late 30’s.
PREPARATION: 1) The two drink minimum rule. Unlike line 1, these drinks could (and, in fact, should) have been bought by other men who’ve tried and failed to chat her up. 2) Mild to moderate anger (if she doesn’t fit into the categories described for pick-up line 1 above, you can pretty much assume this one, though getting auditory and visual confirmation is key to keeping your self-confidence up for the delivery.) 3) Cosmetic enhancement: the only safe choice for this is hair color. I’m a slave to hot redheads, so I’ll use it for my example. Slaves to Goth-Girl black or Barbie blondes, you’re in luck here, too.
DELIVERY: you’re not trying to win her over, so don’t even let a MOLECULE of smarm into your voice or demeanor. She’s angry, and like the jiu-jitsu used by Japanese warriors, you’re going to use the force of her anger against her. You’re gonna want to deliver the line like you’re talking to someone at work who just jammed up the copier that only you can fix. Again. If you’ve ever had a relationship with a woman where she annoyed the hell out of you but was so great in the sack that you had weeks or months of hot ‘angry’ sex with her, then this tone of voice will come VERY naturally to you.
THE LINE: ‘Why would a good-looking redhead like you dye her eyebrows dark brown?’
DANGERS: If you’ve shown fear, she’ll flat out fucking kill you. She’ll break the stem off her Cosmopolitan glass and drive it right into your temple. Without warning, so at least it’s quick. When the line works, she’ll either throw her drink on you or slap the shit out of you. Some women punch. Keep your legs together, or you might catch a knee. When she says, “What the fuck did you mean by that?” or “Ha ha, asshole.” You’re past the violent point and in. Seriously. Any response to her question that isn’t a “nice guy” back down will work. “You mean those aren’t your eyebrows?” is THE killer follow-up. Why the hell am I sharing this stuff with you? I don’t like ANYONE this much. It must be the prescription pain killers I swiped from my Grandma talking.
THE PAYOFF: The same kind of sex listed in pickup line 1 above. She hates you and has something to prove to you about who’s real and who isn’t. Better than number 1 above, she won’t want to have anything to do with you afterwards. She’ll probably take you to her place just so she can throw your bum ass out afterwards.
I’d warn you to use this awesome power only for good, but I think I know you better than that.
