Dairy of a Madman

Life is good.

Very nearly drained of the Effexor, finally suffering no more strange arrythmic vertigoes, and anxious to see what a return to normalcy is like.

Haver… well, there’s that. I want to write so much, and yet don’t. Partly because of the hour, partly because I’m afraid to jinx this. So…. I leave this to memory and imagination.

Saw the stars last night, and was positively overwhelmed at the beauty and immensity of it all. For a few minutes, the dream was real, I was awake, and those moments are forever burned into my mind like the dreams. And I’m glad I was able to share it with someone.

I feel a renewed sense of self, closer to what I claim and want to be. Feeling more open and honest in the past week. I’m amazed it took so long, when there’s really no excuse for it, but the capper on this feeling is a deeper and more honest sense of communication with Wade — after 25 years, I would figure it would have been as it should be, with open and intelligent discussion about issues… But apparently both of us are too content to let things slide and heal.. Hopefully, communication lines will remain open, and our friendship can grow.

Haver’s family is amazing and wonderful and so welcoming. Just a few hours with them and I felt totally accepted and at home.

Home… my definition comes back into sight, both in concept and reality.

And now, to bed. Probably to read, but it’s the thought that counts.