Dairy of a Madman

It may as well be late September, except for the fucking heat.

Once in a blue moon (not coincidentally, I write, as we just had one), I get this feeling. It’s a good feeling, shiny, translucent, harmonic and cocoonlike. It’s not unlike the post-hangover clean feeling that I used to get every Monday when I was still doing the Sunday night karaoke thing, and yet it is. It’s two parts nostalgia, one part transformative. Nothing’s really different today — I’m still dateless and alone, soon to be unemployed, have two cats and too much debt and my share of problems, iDVD still runs too slowly, my bass needs an amp. But it feels like something good is waiting around the corner, ready to pounce when I come into view.

Do I really think good news is in the air tonight? Nope (not that I think it’s *not* — but best to expect the worst and hope for the best). But that feeling is in my gut and chest and head, and I’m going to enjoy it while it’s there. You never know when it might come back, if at all.

Recommended listening: the soundtrack to MONSTER by BT, preferably the 5.1 DTS mix. You can almost hear the autumn approaching.

Ye Gods, the office refridgerator smells like a gigantic dill pickle died in there.

SO… what am I looking for in life? I’ve spent too much time saying that I don’t know what I’m looking for, just what I don’t want. But maybe it’s time to make lists.

Because, if you weren’t aware, that’s one of the best ploys for putting off doing what needs to be done while making yourself feel as though you’re accomplishing something.

In a job, I need: Stimulation, both intellectual and creative. Nothing rote, nothing that feels like it’s going through the motions day in and day out. Flexibility in schedule — not to a severe degree, but enough so that I don’t feel like a prisoner. Room to advance based on ability and aptitude, not willingness to politicize and brown-nose. At least enough money to live comfortably — which is to say, being able to save, and not having to live week to week like I have for too many years.

Optional: I’d like to feel like I’m making a difference in the world, no matter how small. I’d llike to feel like I’m in a field where I can excel to recognition.

Wow, that was fun. No, really. I say that with no sarcasm whatsoever. Seriously.

So, why didn’t they take advantage of the alphabetical hurricane naming system, and go from Bonnie to Clyde? Then Florida would still be soaked this weekend, but at least headline writers everywhere would breathe a little easier for a day or two.

I can feel the cooler air coming, yes I can. It would be perfect weather to cuddle with someone. So I’ll settle for memories.

Things will be looking up shortly. That’s what I think today.