Insomniactive

Gov. Perry, let me first say that although I wasn’t born in Texas, my Daddy and Daddy’s daddy were. So you and I are solid on the strange but wonderful patriotism that surrounds being a Texan.

But even my fraternity brother Sen. Cornyn (aka, for about a mortifying week, “Big John”) would prefer that you pipe down on the secession nonsense. He’s right, it would be illegal. And Texans favor staying in the union by more than a 3-1 margin. (Note to the folks in the “1:” forget your fears about state income tax. Wait ’til you get the bill for a Texas navy that protects 370 miles of coastline).

Now, we all know you’re bluffing, mugging for the cameras and wiggling your ears to see if you can get Rush’s attention (way 2 go, guv!). But here’s the problem. If you don’t zip it, the rest of the country might just take you up on the offer, no questions asked.

Governor, I know you’ve been pinned down in Austin, dealing with critical issues like voter ID and concealed handguns on school campuses. (Pity, no cheerleader booty bill this session). So you probably haven’t had much time to travel. But here’s a hint: Texans aren’t very popular at the moment with their fellow ‘Murkans. Being elsewhere in the U.S. as a Texan is not quite being like being in the dodgier Madrid neighborhoods after the train bombings, but more like being in Europe when Reagan began sport-bombing Libya in the mid-80s. Not life-threatening, Governor. But distinctly, well, uncomfortable.

So if I’m wrong and you’re not just cracking wise, make sure you’ve thought it all the way through. We might be asked not to let the door hit us in the collective ass. Unless that’s a singularly Texas expression, which it might well be.