Insomniactive Productions, 1630 Cullom Street #2, Birmingham, AL, 35205
From Playboy, September 2003
When you ask Kenn McCracken what his favorite thing in life is, he'll tell you quickly, "Movies." Then after a short pause, "Music." "Words." "Vodka." "The feel of a soft, silky teddy against my naked... er..." Freudian slips aside, it's easy to see why he has a hard time zeroing in on a favorite; he spends his free time designing websites, writing award-nominated screenplays ("The Beauty of Distance"), directing ("Goodnight, Moon"), and playing guitar in a rock and roll band. Contributing Editor Kenn McCracken met with McCracken in Los Angeles when he flew in to attend the Oscars. Says his wife: "Kenn wears a size one. That's all you need to know."
PLAYBOY: Women poets of the 19th century acquired the affectation of three names. And now actresses: Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, Mary Stewart Masterson, Mary Louise Parker, Catherine Mary Stewart, Sarah Jessica Parker. Is this an accident of Screen Actors Guild registration? With whom are you most often confused?
MCCRACKEN: Keifer Sutherland. It's the hair, I'm telling you -- and the fact that I can stay up for twenty four hours in row. Often do, in fact.
PLAYBOY: On average, do you break up with guys or do they break up with you? Do relationships go wrong a little at a time or all at once?
MCCRACKEN: Er -- never dated a guy. I suppose if I did, I'd be the heartbreaker, though. Because realtionships go wrong rather quickly, but I think you just ignore it for so long that you can't help but think it snuck up on you. And I hate being snuck up on.
PLAYBOY: In an interview with The Advocate, you said you didn't like sex. That you consider it a woman's obligation. Have you changed your mind?
MCCRACKEN: I got interviewed by the Advocate? Weird. That must've been during my binge drinking period. Are you sure you meant to interview me?
PLAYBOY: What would you do for David Letterman that you wouldn't do for any other man?
MCCRACKEN: Hmmm... Tough one. Juggle kittens? No, I'd do that for small bets. Oh, I know -- my Tom Cruise impression.
PLAYBOY: Unlike Letterman, you have publicly discussed the penises and sexual preferences of your boyfriends and co-stars. You also have said that you are a gay man. Is there a sense in which all healthy heterosexual women are in fact homosexual men?
MCCRACKEN: When did I say that?
PLAYBOY: What do you imagine is the best thing about being a man?
MCCRACKEN: Wait -- can we go back to the part where I said I was a gay man? Can you document that, because those must have been some really good drugs.
PLAYBOY: You've played women who have a million things going through their minds at once. Is there one subject that's most prominent among that sort of woman that immediately cuts through the distraction?
MCCRACKEN: I thought I burned those tapes. Note to self: ask Melissa about the tapes I swear I burned.
PLAYBOY: Imagine your underwear drawer. What about it makes perfect sense to you, and what about it would cause confusion or surprise to someone who shouldn't be looking inside?
MCCRACKEN: I guarantee that all the holes would freak anyone out. It's like I've got some sort of serious sweat gland problem or something. But it's all flannel, and that makes all the sense in the world. Grunge is making a comeback, and I'm ready.
PLAYBOY: Fill in the blank: Republicans: Can't vote for them, can't _____.
MCCRACKEN: ...get them to shut up for five seconds. Or admit they're wrong. Or stop harping on Clinton. Make them say the words "Contragate." Get them to stay the hell out of my life.
PLAYBOY: When was the last time someone touched you with hands that made you think they knew something you didn't know?
MCCRACKEN: Oh. My. God. Who told you about that?
PLAYBOY: After you dated John F. Kennedy Jr., you said you got blasted for it in the press. What did you mean? And how did you handle talking about his dad? Who brought it up first?
MCCRACKEN: Wait -- I dated a Kennedy? Man, I have got to stop sniffing glue.
PLAYBOY: When do you want to know the whole truth no matter what?
MCCRACKEN: Always. Except when I don't. And people should know better.
PLAYBOY: Do you think that pet owners should allow their pets to be spectators of human sexuality?
MCCRACKEN: If we could just convince the little bastards to work the video camera, life would be so much simpler.
PLAYBOY: Can you explain to the television-and-movie generation the reasons to attend live theater?
MCCRACKEN: When the actors forget their lines, it can be pretty funny. Oh, and it's really a chuckle when they aren't watching where they're going, and they trip and fall into the orchestra pit.
PLAYBOY: In Honeymoon in Vegas, Nicolas Cage jumped out of a plane with the Flying Elvises. Is there anyone you'd like to see pushed out of a plane?
MCCRACKEN: Perhaps you like the list of people I wouldn't; that'd be shorter. And then there's the roll call of people I think should be forced out of an airplane with a defective chute. That look on their face when they pull the ripcord and nothing happens... priceless, I tell you.
PLAYBOY: What is so completely bullshit about your job that you've been dying to talk about it?
MCCRACKEN: The lack of pay. No one told me I could be a writer/musician/filmmaker as long as I worked for free...
PLAYBOY: You're one of a number of actresses who played Little Orphan Annie onstage. Any good Sandy stories you'd like to tell?
MCCRACKEN: Seriously, I think you've got me confused with someone else. Sarah Jessica Parker, maybe? Yeah, that would explain the gay man bit.
PLAYBOY: In Striking Distance you handle a gun for the first time. Some actresses handle a gun very well. Is this a natural facility? Is this nature or nurture?
MCCRACKEN: Yep. Sarah Jessica Parker it is. Next, you'll want to ask about the enema in L. A. Story...
PLAYBOY: In L.A. Story you sang the praises of the high colonic. Did you research that aspect of the movie?
MCCRACKEN: That's what I thought.
PLAYBOY: In a pitch-black room, how do you tell the difference between an actor and a regular guy?
MCCRACKEN: The actor knows how to get your order from the kitchen for you.
Sad. I finally get an interview, and the best I get is Sarah Jessica Parker's leftovers.